I suffered 14 years of infertility treatments before the phone rang one day and our precious son found his way to us through adoption. We were not looking to adopt. I thought I needed "my own" child. Now, my goal in life is to help heartbroken women understand that adoption is not the consolation prize it is often presented to be.
We confuse a "deep biological desire" with a deep maternal desire. Biology does not guarantee a bond or a connection with a child, or even a particular physical appearance. And surely in every family lineage there are some genes we would hope our children would not inherit. The unexplained "instant connection" we have with certain people in our lives has nothing to do with blood lines.
While we waited nervously in the hospital hallway as our son was being born I told myself, I hope it's a girl - they're more fun to dress and would be easier to relate to. What if I have no connection to this child and feel like I'm babysitting? And, don't look shocked when you see the little scrunched newborn face. Then the nurse walked out of the delivery room and announced it was a boy.
I willed my legs to take me into her room. Would she actually give this child up? She sat holding a tiny bundle, a five-pound twelve-ounce miracle wrapped in a blue blanket, wearing a little hat. I anxiously searched her face. With a tender, loving glow she held him out to me and spoke the words that will be with me through eternity: "Deborah, would you like to hold your son?" As I cradled him in my arms, he gazed unwaveringly into my eyes. I felt an instant, overpowering love for him. In this, the most spiritual moment of my entire existence, the child I had waited my whole life for looked intently into my face, and my soul heard him saying, "It's me, Mother. I've finally found you."
He is now 18 and our daughter is 12. They have brought unimaginable joy to every day of my life. I know without a doubt that I was put on this earth to be their mother. I have written my story of love, faith, laughter and tears on our journey to our children, hoping to encourage women to keep their hearts open to a different but no less miraculous path to the children of their dreams.
Links to the book called A Journey Through Infertility in Search of My Children can be found at http://deborahlovae.blogspot.com/
0 komentar:
Posting Komentar